How to Move Gracefully

As I wrote the story, “Moving Coffee” in the book, Coffee Lover’s Devotions to Go, I felt a tear slip down my cheek, then another, and another. Until finally, I just gave in and decided to have a good cry! It felt terrific and I’m finally done with the book (two weeks ahead of the deadline).

But in the process, I learned some important principles about moving and how to do it gracefully. Granted, if you are thinking of retiring overseas, you will have a lot of considerations to make and one of them will be, “What do I do with all this stuff?” Some couples decide they need to bring their belongings with them and will ship a container to their destination. We did that when we moved to Sicily and it proved to be a good decision for us.

This move to Ecuador is different; we’re gracefully separating ourselves from 35 years of stuff. It also comes at a time when our son is getting married (May 30th), and so the sorting out process is more complicated.

Here are some things I found helpful through the process of sorting, sifting, selling, saving and gracefully moving on…

*Learn to let go. This sounds easy, but in reality it’s not. As women we are nurturers. Our home is more than a building with four walls; it’s our “nesting place.” It is where we find comfort; it is filled with memories and a place where we feel safe. Give yourself permission to let go in whatever way feels best: to donate, to give away, or to sell. You still have the memory; that’s yours to keep!

*Let others have a say. Recently my youngest son—who is getting married—came home for the weekend and asked about a paper he had written in high school. I pointed to a cardboard box and said, “It’s in there...I think!” Then I realized, it’s time to hand over all their stuff: school treasures, baby clothes, and pictures. With the exception of their baby albums, I am giving them back their things. They now have a say in what they keep or give away.

*Feel the loss. As I go through boxes, I find treasures, like the boys’ baby teeth. Remember the tooth fairy? Well, all those teeth had to go somewhere and so we saved them (all of them!). I guess I’ll ask the boys if they want them (or not!). No matter how old our children are—they will always be our “babies.” They have memories too and we need to respect them. We have asked our boys (now 23 and 28) how they feel about our move and allowed them to voice their opinions along the way. By the way, it’s all been positive, so we feel we have done our job well (we gave them roots and wings).

*Saying goodbye with grace. If you look at retirement abroad as a new chapter, it’s easier to close the chapter on your other life. That’s not to say that there won’t be moments of sadness, but you will be able to say your “goodbyes” with grace and take your cherished memories with you. And if you’re like me, you’ll find lots of laughter filtering through the tears (like the Mother’s Day cards I found the other day!). My youngest son printed his on computer paper (he’s the saver). The card had a dollar bill printed on the inside that read, “Sorry, I’m poor, so this is all I could afford. Happy Mom’s Day!” Jon was eight years old (it’s a keeper!).

We have moved 29 times in 35 years of marriage, so “moving” is something we do well. But this is also a new chapter in our lives and we plan to do it gracefully. Everyone is different, so do it in the way that is most comfortable for you.

Until next time…hasta luego!


Connie and Mark

We're Getting Closer!

Little red check marks on the calendar indicate that we are that much closer to Cuenca, Ecuador!

The wedding plans for our son are in place and the rehearsal dinner invitations went out last week. We also took some time to visit our son's bachelor pad in Cleveland, Ohio and practiced being "retired." We went out for breakfast, took long walks in the afternoon, slept, and went out to dinner. I think we've got the rhythm down (almost!).

Jon is a marketing specialist for Rosetta Corporation and has an interesting job -- something about being a search engine optimization specialist! The best part of being a parent is seeing them grow up, have careers that they love, and NOT living at home. Jeremy, our oldest is a high school World Cultures teacher and is looking forward to taking a sabbatical in South America next year, so we'll see more of him than Jon.

With the house under agreement and the inspection slated for the end of the month, we are now in the packing stage of our move. With four suitcases to lock and load, we have three distinct piles: to keep, to sell, and to give away. Goodwill runs are now a part of our daily routine along with the storage unit which has the things we will ship to my mom in California (mostly heirloom items). We now have a home for our cat, Bianca, and buyers for our cars (not exactly in that order).

We made an Excel spreadsheet of our household belongings and what doesn't get sold between now and May 30th, will be sold at the "Cuenca or Bust" garage sale.

We still need to make our appointment at the Ecuadorian Embassy in Washington D.C. and we will do that next week. Our paperwork is lined up and ready to go. The only little matter left is my book, which I am happy to report is going to make the publisher's deadline -- May 15, 2010! I'm ahead of my projected goal, so with any luck I'll have it done two weeks before the wedding!

My laptop crashed, so that allowed me to get a Dell PINK laptop (Mark thinks I did it on purpose!). My e-mails still need to be formatted into my Outlook Inbox, but I can live with that! But the thought that my book was almost lost, nearly put me into a catatonic state. Now I have three back-up systems in place!

Mark reminded me last night to enjoy the journey, but he's not the one with the deadline right now (he's totally retired!). So I've found a new writing place -- Elizabethtown College in the library! At this point, I need "quiet with a view" and the college provides me with both!

Oh and there's the little matter of medical insurance. Mark received his retirement package which also included his medical. We have to pay $600 a month for coverage that is not that great, so we're going to pay for it for two months until we leave for Ecuador and then discontinue it. Mark has had three major surgeries in the past two years (all related to his running/biking/triathlon days). A broken hip and two back surgeries have made us realize we're thankful for good insurance, but we were still left with whopping bills! We realize that the health care system in the States is terribly broken and won't be fixed for a long time.

Getting closer to Cuenca also means that we will be leaving family and friends behind, which is another post entirely. Most of the reactions we have received have been positive, but a few have left us totally baffled. But we also realize that the retirement we have chosen isn't for everyone and we respect that.


Until next time...hasta luego!


Connie and Mark

One Step Closer

On Thursday, April 8, 2010 our house officially went under contract and we are one step closer to Cuenca, Ecuador!

After four showings in two and a half weeks, we finally reached an agreement with a buyer. Phew! I'm so thankful that part of our life is out of the way; we can go back to living in our home rather than having it on stage 24/7.

Hubby finally dragged the coffeepot, toaster, and mop back in the house last night from the backseat of our car and said, "Do you think it's safe to put these things back?" I wish we had a video of us preparing for a showing, including Mark trailing behind me with paper towels after I mopped the wooden floors down with Murphy's Oil Soap.

Thankfully, all the showings on our house occurred on Wednesday night which was Wing's Night at McCleary's Pub, so we made it into a date night. Now all that is left is our son's wedding, the "Go to Cuenca or Bust" garage sale, a trip to the Embassy in Washington DC, editing my book, and packing (that's all!). Four suitcases will fill up quickly, I'm afraid!

Yesterday was my future daughter-in-love's bridal shower and I have to admit a few tears betrayed me as I realized we were one step closer to May 30th (the wedding day!). Jon and Kim will move to Cleveland shortly after the honeymoon and we have a departure date set for Ecuador on June 16, 2010.

Lists and Excel spreadsheets are part of my life: one for the wedding, one for the book, moving and selling, and things to do. My hubby is a list-maker too, so between the two of us at least one of us can tell the other one what is the next step.

Some days I wake up and think, Will this all fall into place? And other days, I wake up and shout, "We're one day closer to our dream!"

Until next time...hasta luego!

Connie and Mark

Blessings

In the past two days we've had two showings and two offers on our home (amazing!). Our house has never been so squeaky clean. But running out every time there is a showing is already getting to be a chore, but a necessary one in order to get it sold.

Last evening we packed up the car with the coffeemaker, toaster, mop, and non-essentials on the countertops, lit the candles, popped in an Andre Boccelli CD and left our "staged home" before the realtor and prospective buyers arrived. But instead of circling around the block for an hour, we treated ourselves to dinner at McCleary's Pub (Wings Night). There was a special treat waiting for us...a singer by the name of "Adam Blessing." We were seated in a private booth with candlelight and the wings were served along with our favorite beverage. When our server left our table, I felt a tear, then two, then three and before I knew it I was sobbing. The tears continued to pour into my hot wings until they were all soggy!

My hubby gave me a perplexed look, leaned over the table, and whispered, "Now what's wrong?"

Do you know what? I didn't -- or I couldn't -- explain it. Me -- the writer -- who is never at a loss for words, couldn't put my feelings into a sentence.

And then I reviewed the last week: We have been running around...making frequent trips to Home Depot to get materials to do last minute touch-ups on the house, sorting through 35 years of married life, planning a rehearsal dinner for our son's wedding, preparing for a writer's conference, trying to finish a book without my laptop, and still attempting to explain to family and friends why we're doing what we're doing. When I stop long enough to catch my breath, the tears start to flow.

Tears are a blessing. They come spontaneously for me when I'm sad, when I'm happy, and sometimes when I'm overwhelmed -- like yesterday! And then I check up on my new Ecuadorian friends via their blogs and wonder why I managed to get my face so blotchy in the first place. Last night I read Clarke and Brenda's blog and felt somewhat relieved (yep, they're going through the same thing too!).

So now I have a little Ecuadorian flag by my computer with a reminder: "If it were easy, everyone would be doing it!" I'll be the first to admit that it's NOT easy, but it WILL be worth it.

What a blessing to know we're not alone in this great adventure!

Until next time...hasta luego!

Connie and Mark

Are We Crazy?

Why is it when I say we’re moving and retiring to Ecuador, everyone looks as though I have horns growing out of my head? And then the words, “Oh, are you going to be missionaries?”

Hmm...

Then I say “Cuenca” and they repeat “Oh, you mean Quito; I had a brother who worked there!”

Last night we had dinner with our friend, the psychologist, and his wife (who speaks fluent Spanish) and they didn’t blink when we discussed our future plans for retirement. In fact, he turned to his wife and said, “Would you like to do what Mark and Connie are doing when we retire?”

Without hesitation she nodded her head in affirmation and blurted out, “Absolutely, I would love to do exactly what they are doing!”

Finally, someone got it. How refreshing! I actually enjoyed the rest of my meal because I didn’t feel the need to explain or “unexplain” the fact that I wasn’t crazy!

Retirement is a new adventure and on the stress scale it receives 45 points…the same as being fired from a job, but with a lot more PERKS.

Last night as we snuggled under the covers, I whispered in Mark’s ear, “Honey, do you think we’re crazy?”

A smile spread across his face as he mouthed the words, “What do you think?"

I had my answer!

Until next time…hasta luego!


Mark and Connie (not so crazy after all!)

House for Sale!

Yesterday we went over things with the realtor and we are putting our house up for sale on March 22nd. We plan on leaving for Ecuador on June 15,2010. We were afraid to put it up any sooner because our neighbors sold their homes in less than two weeks! Yikes. Well, I guess we can always pay the new owner rent until we leave (hmm...I think we can do that?!).

I made a slide show of our house, for memory keepsake (not that I'll miss all the stairs!). I call it our "Tuscan Townhome" because it reminds us of our apartment in Italy (Andre Bocelli is singing in the background). Nice touch...eh?

For those of you who are thinking of this journey, don't try to do it with a son getting married, book deadline, packing your life in four suitcases, and possible knee surgery (all before June 15). My goal is to get out of the States alive!

I changed my life insurance today and we made appointments for the Embassy in Washington, D.C. to get our tourists visas and start the paperwork for our pensioner's visa. We continue to juggle all kinds of balls at the same time. Mark is painting the basement with dry lock right now and I think we're both sick from the fumes, but it had to be done!

My brain is on overload; I walked around with the paint roller in my hand looking for the "paint roller." I ask you, "Who does such a thing?"

Crazy? Maybe! Excited to sell our house? Absolutely!

Cuenca...here we come!

Until next time...hasta luego!


Connie and Mark

Click here: to view slide show!

Little Black Bags

Today was exhausting! Mark and I managed to clean out several closets. The walk-in closet in our bedroom is now living up to its name, but not without the accumulation of many little black bags!

I had to take a break from it to write this blog because it's overwhelming when you try to extract your life from files, manila folders, journals, letters, cards, and photos. Since I’m a writer, I find the need to “ooh and ahh” over everything and many times during my escavation I thought, That would make a great article! But I simply ignored the temptation until the job was done!

One of the treasures I unearthed was my original red leather journal from Sicily. The first entry was dated October 23, 1980. It started out with the words, “Saying goodbye is certainly difficult…”

I’m not sure that will get any easier in June 2010, but maybe a little easier in that we have moved 29 times in 35 years of marriage, but somehow we always managed to drag the little black bags along with us!

Today it feels like we accomplished something toward our move, although my book deadline is not budging (May 15, 2010), and I’m afraid I may have to lock myself in one of our “clean” closets in order to get it done. When I signed the contract—ages ago—I had no idea that we were going to move to Ecuador. I thought we were going to retire in Italy (as if that would have made any difference!).

I can also use the excuse that my laptop is fried (the motherboard is cracked), but the technician told me he can still extract the information from the hard drive. I’m looking at pink laptops online and have narrowed my search (I think!).
Then my hubby popped in the door and shouted, “I found it...look here!”
What he was referring to was the MagicJack. It’s a must for anyone living overseas. Using your computer, a phone receiver, and the MagicJack you have created a “land” line and can talk to anyone – anywhere! We communicated with our realtor in Cuenca using the MagicJack and found it better than the real thing! The cost is $20 a year. Next month we are disconnecting all our landlines.

We are having guests this evening (Scrabble night in Spanish), so I need to clear the living room of little black bags.


Until next time…hasta luego!


Connie and Mark



P.S. As promised, I inserted a photo from Mark's recent trip to Cuenca. This is the "Neuva Catedral."